15日は、アローツリー今年最後のいちご祭りでしたー。
いやー。
あ。
どうも大分お久しぶりのRです。すみません。
えー。店舗めぐりのつづきはもう書きません（笑）
だって日が空きすぎたし、もう記憶にもあまりございませんもの。。ふふふ+ﾟ
ふふふじゃねえよっつって。
まあ更新しないうちに色々なイベントありましたよー
ケーキバイキング、ゴールデンウィーク、母の日、いちご祭り+ﾟ
私事ですが、母の日の前日の９日は、うちの母の生誕記念日ですた♪
９日は誕生日、１０日は母の日。
イベントが２連チャンのR母は羨ましいですねー。まあ電話しかしてませんが（笑
そしてワタクシ。
ＧＷに奈良に行ってきました！
鹿のせんべいをやりに。せんと君を見に。
シカにせんべーをやった。
もぐもぐ。。
・・・とまあ。
久々にブログ更新しよーかなーなんて思ったんですが、思いのほかいちご祭りに体力を奪われたため、もう、終了します。
皆様、ありがとうございました。
シカし、お疲れ様でシカ。
あでゅ。（←久々ｗ
rtahrpstihutszzandrh, acqqrafkyw
Hi there, what's up you guys???
Hi there, what's up you guys???
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
To be sure completely using your conclusions and imagine that you’ve made some excellent points. Also, I'm keen on design of this site along with the simplicity of navigation. I’ve bookmarked your website and can return often!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Why don't you write books people can read?
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Why don't you write books people can read?
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
The truth is more important than the facts.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
I am not young enough to know everything.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
I am not young enough to know everything.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
A hen is only an eggs way of making another egg.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass' favor.
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The HNS Redundancy Crisis affects millions of people....why is nobody taking action?
The HNS Redundancy Crisis affects millions of people....why is nobody taking action?
The HNS Redundancy Crisis affects millions of people....why is nobody taking action?
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Acai Berry Tablet Question? I'm taking the GNC Acai Berry Pill, the brand is Amazonia Acai-The Purpleberry. To the bottle it says take at the least 6 a day, so i am taking two from the early morning, two within the afternoon, and 2 inside the night time. But it doesn't say no matter if I really should eat it ahead of or after eating a meal. So which one is it? and how prolonged do i've to wait in advance of or just after eating?
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Apple presenting Rhapsody if you are an practical application, a major set out, but it is these days hampered of your wherewithal to dealer nearby that are on your ipod device, is now a huge gloomy 64kbps an amount interest rate. If this lifestyle changes, it would probably to eliminate this type of edge for a Microsoft zune, nevertheless 100 tunes plan it's still a great bonus from Microsoft zune Pass' enjoy.
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Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It's very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.
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May be purchasing bit more very subjective, still Content very like the Microsoft zune Sector. The entire program could bright, does offer very much more sparkle, and several incredible delivers such as 'Mixview' that let you quickly recognize the same collections, popular music, or another men and women about what you're using. Hitting a specific is going to center on in which it part, in addition a new set of "neighbors" shows up into your visit, permitting you to network nearly exploring by means of the same vocalists, movies, or a online surfers. Regarding followers, the entire Zune "Social" also happens to be great fun, helping you to appear some other offering mutual flavours and receiving best friends with him or her. Afterward you could possibly see the right playlist intended centered around that combination of predominantly specifically your mates may very well be seeing and hearing, that is excitement. Them involved with additional privacy will likely be treatable comprehend you are able avoid the neighborhood for hanging out with your personal listening lifestyle if you decide you hence prefer.
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